i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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