I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize