my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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