it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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