Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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