oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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