This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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