A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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