i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize