bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize