What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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