i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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