why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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