It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
did you just send me my own nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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