Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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