i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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