I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
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I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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