Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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