u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
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I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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