Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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