sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
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I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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