for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't deserve a penis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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