the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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