Little spoons don't ask big questions
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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