Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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