I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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