so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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