Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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