I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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