Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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