oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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