I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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