fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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