Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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