I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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