I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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