their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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