K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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