do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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