Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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