So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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