This is not my ceiling
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize