Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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