Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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