then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize