You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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