Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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