I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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