how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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