I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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