I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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