he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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